Happy Birthday Ri!

Today, Ri turns 2 years old. It will be his last birthday without a family to celebrate with him. It makes me sad to think that he is turning 2 and we are not there to enjoy his day with him. Hopefully, in just a few months, we will be holding him.

Part of me is somewhat relieved he is not here...at least today. Sam is home with a fever that doesn't seem to want to stay below 101. for long. Last night he woke up halucinating. He was crying so hard and apologizing and wild eyed. I hate it when he gets that way. It is a scary thing to watch. If I moved him, he cried harder because of pain. When I tried to assure him that he was safe and he did nothing wrong, he would grab his head and cry telling me he was sorry. Then he would open his mouth and lock his mouth open with wild eyes and cry. It is those moments in which you feel helpless and all alone. I hate it when my kids get so sick. My heart just aches and my fears begin to rise. Once I got him in the shower and calmed down, he would come out of it. It happened twice. The second time he begged me not to let him sleep. He said he was never going to sleep again. The nightmeres were just to much for him. So, I opened up the bible and read to him. We prayed and then he laid down to watch a movie. By God's grace, he did not wake up with anymore episodes. I am very thankful for that. He woke up this morning with stomach pains and took a shower, only to lose the medicine I had just given him for the fever. He is back to sleep, though. I think he might have strep, so we are heading to the doctors later this morning.

All that to say that being a mom is tough work. I have a son on the other side of the world who is all alone on his birthday. He has no idea that a family loves him and is trying hard to bring him home. And I have a son right next to me who is sick and needs me to comfort him. Elizabeth is fussy and wanting me to hold her and sit beside her and EMily went to school with a horrible stomach ache. SHe wanted to stay home, but can't miss much school since she will be missing too many days to go to China. I am torn in several directions and can only make one a little better.. that's the one who I can settle down just by holding her in my arms.