The Beginning of Our Journey, The LONG Version

The Long Version
And for those of you who tend to be a bit more like me, well here are some more specific details. I tend to write a lot, so hold on tight!

As for the questions that we get… the “Why’s” and the “I never knew you were thinking of that?” and the “What!” and the “What made you ever think of adopting?” and the just funny, confused, baffled expressions…. I’m with you! It is crazy, I know. But God is so awesome, so faithful, and so loving. He has a plan for us and I’m loving every minute of it.

So here it goes….. "Children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them" --Psalm 127:3-5 Yes, our “quiver” is full and that’s exactly what Mark and I thought! It’s true, we have four beautiful children. Our eldest is 14 and our youngest is 9. Four children in 5 years and one day of each other! Oh yes, there was a time that we both desired more children, but once Jacob hit 4, maybe 5 years old, it was a nice change of pace to not have little ones at my feet. The desire or urge to add more children was gone… permanently!!! We had thought of foster care, but dismissed the idea because of all the different issues with it and I couldn’t imagine getting attached and having to let go. And adopt? Well, for me, that was out of the question. Honestly, I couldn’t ever imagine loving a child that I adopted as much as a child I gave birth too. I never dreamed that adoption would ever be in our life, especially with 4 children. I was very happy with 4 children and thoroughly enjoying the ages and the independency the children were developing!

For those of you who know us, well, you know what our schedule is like! Yikes! For those of you who have no clue, our life around here is pretty crazy at times. We have 4 very active kids at very active ages and Mark and I are very involved in their lives. With our activity at church, in sports, and in school, our schedule can be a nightmare at times.

So, honestly, there really isn’t an easy answer to all those questions. The simplest answer I have is God. "For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“ - Jeremiah 29:11, NIV I believe that He has planned for our precious daughter in China to be grafted into our family. I am humbled that God would choose to give us this precious gift and am in awe at the work He has done in my heart to prepare me for another baby. As for fearing that I would not be able to love a child that we have “adopted”…. HA! I have just as deep a love for her now as I did for the others when they were conceived within my own womb. I long for her, ache for her, and lift her before the Almighty One!

When did we start thinking about adopting? Well, here is our humble story. If you had told Mark or I that we would be adopting a child before July of 2004.…well, we would have laughed in your face. I would have told you that you were absolutely crazy! The last thing that I wanted was a baby! Not that I don’t enjoy them, but I was out of that stage of my life. Emily was 13 (since turned 14), Erin is was 11 (now 12), Sam was 10 (now 11) and Jacob was 8 (now 9). Mark and I were 41, 4 active kids, and the thought of dragging a diaper bag around, having a baby at my hip, and not having any freedom again was out of the question. I was finally back to work and able to contribute to our family’s income. Mark was loving me working and I was enjoying it too! There was no way we were going to start all over again. We’d be 58, 59 years old when they graduated from high school! That’s nuts! But God had different thoughts. In Isaiah 55:8-9 He says “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,“ says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.“

I loved summer because I had time with my kids. I had hit a selfish stage of my life. I use to love to help others and enjoyed taking their kids, but all I wanted for the summer of 2004 was to enjoy my kids and no one else’s! I wanted time with them because I sensed that Emily didn’t have much “kid” summers left. She is growing up and soon her summers will be filled with work and all too soon, she would be going away to college and her own life. But, some very dear friends needed someone to watch their 4 and 2 year old for 5-6 days and my brother needed me to watch his 6 and 4 year old for 9 days and then we would be with them for another week after that. My summer of only my kids was quickly being taken over with little kids. Not that I didn’t love these kids, but I was dreading needing to be the “mom” to these little ones. I know the work involved and I figured my time with my own kids was gone. I was being very selfish.

During the time I had the youngest ones, I was driving 6 kids (5 boys) to soccer camp. You can imagine how loud my van was! I was trying to listen to a message on Focus on the Family. Slowly, the van began to quiet down and before I knew it, you could have heard a pin drop. They were all listening. A woman was sharing the adoption of her daughter from an orphanage in China. I was fighting back the emotions during the entire story. At one point, I looked at my daughter and said “wouldn’t that be cool to adopt a child from China”. She answered yes as I knew she would! I knew that it was just a mothers’ heart being pulled because I couldn’t imagine one of my kids ever in that condition. But, I couldn’t shake the story, I kept replaying it in my mind. Finally, I prayed (half heartedly) and asked God that if He wanted this for our family, then when I shared it with Mark then have him respond favorably. I knew I was “safe”! I knew Mark would think I was crazy for even thinking about it. In fact, I was embarrassed at even mentioning it to him because I knew it was just my emotions; some silly motherly longing. So, I hesitated for a long time and awkwardly struggled with how to tell him. When I did, he looked at me and said that he had thought about that before and I should look into it. I was floored! I had no idea that he had been reading the book Don’t Waste Your Life, by John Piper. God was preparing his heart already. I told him I would start to look into it, but …I didn’t. I had forgotten and honestly, didn’t think he was serious. I figured that I was the crazy one and that he was just being sweet to me. The thought of adoption only entered my head a couple of times after talking with Mark. I dismissed it each time thinking it was really only me. We went to Florida to watch my niece and nephew and I never thought about it again. One day, Mark looked at me and asked if I knew that Steven Curtis Chapman (a Christian singer who has adopted 2 children from China) has an organization that offers grants for families adopting from China. I was stunned and again asked him if I should look into it. He simply said yes.

Still thinking this was only my feelings, I began to look into it on the internet. I spent a few hours getting as much info as I could and sending away for information from several different agencies. I found out costs involved, requirements for families and all that I could. After that, I knew we would never be able to adopt. Somehow, I knew that when I shared the “gruesome” details with Mark, he would say that with 4 kids, there was no way we could even consider the costs and I just knew that he would not be willing to do all that we had to do in order to be approved.

But when I shared it with him, he said we needed to be praying about it. It was then I realized that God was working in our family and preparing us to make some major changes. The kids were thrilled at the thought, but like me, never dreamed it would become reality. We had several serious conversations and prayer as a family. Day by day it seemed more and more clear that God might be leading us this way. As we approached the serious decision whether to apply or not, we had a “round-table” discussion with the kids. Though my memory is a bit hazy as to what exactly the kids said, I know that it was at that point that Mark and I knew that we were going to apply. Mark asked each child to share why they thought we should adopt and why they wanted to. All of their responses were heartfelt and sincere. They all grabbed my heart, but the ones that got me the most were the boys. Sam said that he was too young to help when Jacob was born and that he would like to practice to be a good Daddy. Jacob said that though we couldn’t save them all, we could change the life of one. He said that one was better then none.

The next day, before I sent the application, I questioned Mark one more time, still thinking that in my heart I must be somehow manipulating Mark into adopting a child. I poured my heart out to him to make sure that this was not just me wanting this for our family. His response was so simple and so sincere, he simply said, “I’ve considered the costs”. That answer said it all to me. I knew it was not me anymore, but God working in our family. We applied that day for us to adopt our daughter from China.

So there you go! That is our humble story. May God be glorified and may we serve Him as He changes the life of Elizabeth and the life of each of us.

As the word of God writes…..Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds his name is the LORD and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. Psalm 68-4-6